This is a direct response to F. Scott's most recent post:

Whereas teachers like you and I and those great idealist colleagues we work with can get burned out, disappointed, and beat down by how our idealism is constantly chipped away at by the daily demands of our job and the mountain of crap that we work around (those little cuts you describe), I believe that the idealists are the seeds and engine of change. We need to be there, working on change, one classroom, one student at a time. We need to find the time and the way to make our voices heard (which is why I will insist that we write about our professional development experiences this year--your idea for how we structure our professional development time rocks and it's an idea that should be out there for others to consider) (we will be writing about this later I am certain). We need to put pressure on our colleagues, our administrators, our district to be better--like we always push ourselves to be. We need to take a look at our week and carve out a place to do this work--one hour a week set aside to cultivate our voice and get it out there is more time than if we never did it at all.

Your post sounds a lot like where I was when I left the classroom for the new frontier of the doc program. My two years there away from the classroom showed me how much I truly belong in the high school classroom. The absence of the classroom in my life so clearly defined the space it fills in me. I need it to feel relevant and challenged. And this realization will keep me here for a very long time, regardless of all the frustrating crap that comes along with the life of a teacher in our school district.

But I will need to challenge myself every year to be better, to work more efficiently, to explore new ideas, to write about it. To imagine the possibilities for our students and make those possibilities the goal of my teaching. If I don't push myself to do this, I'll get antsy and bored.

This job--it's a life as you know. And you're damn good at it. You're thoughtful and you like your students, and you want to make sure you are doing right by them. You ask tough questions about your teaching and you really want to know how to do it better. You are an idealist--you DO imagine all the great possibilities for your students, and you believe they are possible even if they seem impossible to achieve. But I know that this kind of teaching is exhausting work.

Which is why we each need to decide for ourselves if we can and want to do it.

I'm here for good. My life has shown me, as I explained above, how much I need this work. And for my own selfish reasons, of course I would like for you to stick around. For me though, managing this work in my life means boundaries--times when I don't work and I am with my family. Times during my work week when I put the grading/planning aside and read research or do some writing. I need to think seriously about how to balance everything and be sure to carefully balance it all.

And maybe I need to find a way to steer clear of the parts of the job that make me feel bad, especially the parts that I have absolutely no control over no matter how bad they are (I'm talking here about the current issues surrounding our contract and the shady dealings of our district administration. It sucks, and I hate it, and I wish that we hard working teachers got the recognition and respect that we deserve. But the more I get caught up in the negative discourse flying around about all of this, the worse I feel.)

**********************

Today was the first day of school. Thus starts another school year. I'm full of enthusiasm and hope, excited to learn more about the teenagers I met today. I know there will be rough spots--there always are. And I'm sure I'll write about them. But for now, all is rosy.

And I attended a talk this evening at our local University--gave me much to think about. That will be the focus of my next post.

Signing off,

M. Shelley